You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
