Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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