VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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