Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Actions speak louder than pants.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think your dad took our porno
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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