Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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