well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
