my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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