Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I deserve this hangover.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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