Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
