Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
