Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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