I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
