i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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