you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
