I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
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i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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