You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
