I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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