my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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