I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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