She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
