so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
There are leaves in my underwear?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
