i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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