I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
