i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
