im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
