we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We need to get me chipped asap
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
