Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Randomize
