So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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