The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize