she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
