Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
