I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she told me i tasted like america
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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