If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
