Do you still have your period?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
