Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
