I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
