Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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