the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
