Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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