Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
