fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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