I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
