I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
