Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
