The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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