I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My balls are so social today.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
