as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i was born a porn star she said
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
