If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
