well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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