thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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