i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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