So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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