Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
