If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
