Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
