this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
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And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
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Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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