do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
