my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
