I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
