Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
