Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
