when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
