At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
