What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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