That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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