The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
cat food counts as protein by the way
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
