omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
