a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
