I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
