dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
