when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
