he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
