I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
