im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
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