the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
