i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
