He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
