I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
