im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
