I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
