happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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