A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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