I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
