I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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