billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
