I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
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Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
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I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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