Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
