wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
