We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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